So lets talk about stress. Because stress sucks and as much as people like to explain constantly that stress is all you letting external influences get to you and only you can cause yourself stress that doesn't make it any better does it? As true as it is that statement doesn't help. It doesn't silence the demands from your boss, screaming kids, bills, dogs eating the trash, how much money you don't make, dishes, laundry, chores chores chores, don't forget family or that petty argument you are currently having with your significant other/roommate/best friend.
Stress comes in so many forms and our body responds in just as many forums. After the surgery anything would stress me out, the tiniest argument at work, my boss merely venting, a customer getting snappy and pop there goes a panic attack. Now I am handling my stress better but there are still signs that I am over stressed and in desperate need of relaxation. Now as a kid no one taught me how to properly deal with anger and stress so I would take my feelings out on any unsuspecting anything that happened by me, but I realized how out of control I really was so I spent a very long time trying to control my stress/anger and I have been very successful in not flying off the handle for little to no reason. I have outlets for it, video games, zoning out to Netflix shows or random anime, wine lots and lots of wine. However now I realize that no one taught me how to relax! Of course a good manicure and pedicure will do the trick but in all honesty not many of us have the money to spend on something like that as often as we'd need to and if we can't afford that forget massages or spa visits!
That is a goal, relaxing at home, spending as little money doing so as possible. Having wine with friends is cheaper but not always something I can enjoy. A relaxing bath does not work, I live in an apartment, my bath isn't that large and my bathroom isn't that relaxing. Video games can be as stressful as relaxing.
So I have to wonder what some of you do to relax. How does the rest of the world de-stress or are you still looking for a way to de-stress? What have you tried, why did work and what was a total fail? You don't have to provide any details you don't feel comfortable with.
I do miss yoga and tai chi, those were both very relaxing but there is something more relaxing about doing it in a studio rather then in my living room with a DVD and yoga classes are very expensive.
I hope you all are having less stressful day then me :)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
But we......
So I have to back peddle a little bit to explain a few things. I won't go into to much terrible detail about all of it but there is a bit of a time line.
When I was 21 they found out I had HPV and because of an unfortunate pap I had a few years earlier I was terrified of seeing the OB/Gyn (the speculum wasn't put in properly, causing it to slip, it was extremely painful) of course after the painful testing they found out I was pre-cancer, meaning I had climbed up all the stages of severity in HPV and was near screwed. Thanks to some awesome doctors and people who know how to work the system I got my surgery with no insurance and with assistance most of it was paid off by the state, the rest I had some help with. This was my first surgery, a LEEP Cone Biopsy, it was painful and the recovery was a year long with constant tests to make sure they got it all. Because of this surgery I have a very sensitive uterus (I know you were dying to know that) and all tests since then that touched my cervix have been a lot more painful then they should be.
That was before I met my wonderful loving husband.
After I met my loving husband it seemed my body would test him. I started having tremendous pain with my cycle, now believed to be endometriosis and I have 3 out of the 4 pain symptoms, I had a lot of people who didn't believe me because it causes me near constant pain. The naive response most people give me is that it can't be endometriosis due to the fact that my pain exceeded the limits of my hormones and cycle where my pain should be, not to mention that my condition didn't want to respond the way they wanted it to when I was given medication. Because of this I was made to go through painful and expensive tests that I had to pay for to prove that I wasn't wrong or lying about my pain.
During these tests they did not find a sign of endometriosis because it cannot be seen in any test outside of surgery. I did learn to fear the words 'But We' ...... We didn't find the cause of the pain But We found... well first they found gallstones, then they figured I had Fibromyalgia and that medication changed me in many ways. During a scope they found GERD and a hiatal hernia that medication doesn't bother me so much unless I don't take it then its impossible to do anything. During this time period I developed sever migraines and I don't like that medication either. Another exam lead to finding a benign granuloma on my liver, I have to have an MRI every 6 months to ensure that it doesn't grow in size, if it does then that requires surgery. Liver surgery is a pretty sensitive issue and that doctor (you don't want to know how many doctors I have at this point) does not want to do that unless it is absolutely necessary. This is all within a five year period of time and during all this time every time I had my cycle I was unbearable pain and not during my cycle I had moments of unbearable pain.
My poor husband has spent more time taking care of me then not for the majority of our relationship. At this point we are going on 8 years and he has been caring for me, taking me to doctors, tests and emergency rooms for more then half our relationship. Not to mention seeing the pain, the reaction to medications and frustration at not finding an answer. When we finally went to see a reproductive endocrinologist who looked at me and all of my symptoms and said 'You have Endometriosis' which is the one thing we didn't hear in all of the years because they couldn't confirm and the couldn't confirm without surgery and they didn't want to do surgery because they felt it unnecessary which drove us insane. So I sat down and my first meeting with this doctor he says, sure I diagnose you, ever doctor since has accepted it. He wants us to get pregnant because surgery will cause scar tissue. Scar tissue will make pregnancy harder and pregnancy might wipe the reproductive slate clean so to speak.
My husband and I haven't been protected since we got married, we figured it would happen if it happened (I also couldn't be on the pill due to the granuloma) so he wanted to find out why I wasn't pregnant already. So the very expensive tests started and with it came stress. We finally stopped seeing him because we couldn't afford it anymore and the stress was killing me. Not long after that decision we got pregnant and that brings us back to the first post of this blog.
When I was 21 they found out I had HPV and because of an unfortunate pap I had a few years earlier I was terrified of seeing the OB/Gyn (the speculum wasn't put in properly, causing it to slip, it was extremely painful) of course after the painful testing they found out I was pre-cancer, meaning I had climbed up all the stages of severity in HPV and was near screwed. Thanks to some awesome doctors and people who know how to work the system I got my surgery with no insurance and with assistance most of it was paid off by the state, the rest I had some help with. This was my first surgery, a LEEP Cone Biopsy, it was painful and the recovery was a year long with constant tests to make sure they got it all. Because of this surgery I have a very sensitive uterus (I know you were dying to know that) and all tests since then that touched my cervix have been a lot more painful then they should be.
That was before I met my wonderful loving husband.
After I met my loving husband it seemed my body would test him. I started having tremendous pain with my cycle, now believed to be endometriosis and I have 3 out of the 4 pain symptoms, I had a lot of people who didn't believe me because it causes me near constant pain. The naive response most people give me is that it can't be endometriosis due to the fact that my pain exceeded the limits of my hormones and cycle where my pain should be, not to mention that my condition didn't want to respond the way they wanted it to when I was given medication. Because of this I was made to go through painful and expensive tests that I had to pay for to prove that I wasn't wrong or lying about my pain.
During these tests they did not find a sign of endometriosis because it cannot be seen in any test outside of surgery. I did learn to fear the words 'But We' ...... We didn't find the cause of the pain But We found... well first they found gallstones, then they figured I had Fibromyalgia and that medication changed me in many ways. During a scope they found GERD and a hiatal hernia that medication doesn't bother me so much unless I don't take it then its impossible to do anything. During this time period I developed sever migraines and I don't like that medication either. Another exam lead to finding a benign granuloma on my liver, I have to have an MRI every 6 months to ensure that it doesn't grow in size, if it does then that requires surgery. Liver surgery is a pretty sensitive issue and that doctor (you don't want to know how many doctors I have at this point) does not want to do that unless it is absolutely necessary. This is all within a five year period of time and during all this time every time I had my cycle I was unbearable pain and not during my cycle I had moments of unbearable pain.
My poor husband has spent more time taking care of me then not for the majority of our relationship. At this point we are going on 8 years and he has been caring for me, taking me to doctors, tests and emergency rooms for more then half our relationship. Not to mention seeing the pain, the reaction to medications and frustration at not finding an answer. When we finally went to see a reproductive endocrinologist who looked at me and all of my symptoms and said 'You have Endometriosis' which is the one thing we didn't hear in all of the years because they couldn't confirm and the couldn't confirm without surgery and they didn't want to do surgery because they felt it unnecessary which drove us insane. So I sat down and my first meeting with this doctor he says, sure I diagnose you, ever doctor since has accepted it. He wants us to get pregnant because surgery will cause scar tissue. Scar tissue will make pregnancy harder and pregnancy might wipe the reproductive slate clean so to speak.
My husband and I haven't been protected since we got married, we figured it would happen if it happened (I also couldn't be on the pill due to the granuloma) so he wanted to find out why I wasn't pregnant already. So the very expensive tests started and with it came stress. We finally stopped seeing him because we couldn't afford it anymore and the stress was killing me. Not long after that decision we got pregnant and that brings us back to the first post of this blog.
Monday, April 1, 2013
What should I do?
So today is the day I decide to get a therapist right? Nope! My insurance website is extremely out of date and when I called them about it they told me it was up to the provider to update their information on the website and the best I can really do is get a list of names and call them to verify them. That is going to be a very long process that isn't going to be fun. I was able to leave a message with one number that was actually correct and hope that I get a call back tho she might not currently be accepting patients in her local office. I was hoping find this was going to cause less stress but its proving to cause me more issues then I'd like. I will keep trying, I am sure I will find someone close who accepts my insurance.
So today I want to talk about my decision to have a D&C, I have been looking around on some forums and I see a common question from women who encounter a similar issue, what should I do? The doctor is going to give a list of options that they feel are best. My doctor gave me a similar list of options and she was very honest with me, I had two choices, the natural way and a D&C and the doctor wanted me to have the D&C. She told me that it could take weeks (even over a month) for the miscarriage to happen naturally. She told me it can be extremely painful, it could come with complications and most of all it will be emotional torture. Two and a half days was torture, weeks would have been horrifying. Also, afterwards I read several forum posts from women whom had gone through the natural course and everything they described was indeed labor, one woman up to two months later. My husband had to practically carry me after I found out the news, there is no way I would have survived any of that, he agreed. ( I also want to point out here that we could barely afford the week I took off for the surgery and it has been a struggle, I work part time so I didn't get paid for not being there, not to mention waiting around for it to happen. What if I was at work when it started? What if I had to call out of work? What if any complications happened at home. A lot of what ifs and I could have been out a lot longer then a week. )
Then she gave us the option to have it done in the office or to go into the operating room. She explained that in the office I would be awake the entire time during the procedure and that in the OR I would be out and not remember anything. I opted not to remember anything, I wouldn't emotionally make it if I were awake, this whole thing was horrifying enough that I couldn't imagine being awake for the D&C. My husband agreed.
I don't regret anything that I did or any decision we made, it was the best decision for us. I honestly think that this isn't something you can really ask someone else, I think that it is one of those things that only you can decide upon. Get as much information as you can and talk to your doctor. Make the decision that is best for you. It's all painful, its all messy, it will all be a new level of hell but in the end it is your choice.
So today I want to talk about my decision to have a D&C, I have been looking around on some forums and I see a common question from women who encounter a similar issue, what should I do? The doctor is going to give a list of options that they feel are best. My doctor gave me a similar list of options and she was very honest with me, I had two choices, the natural way and a D&C and the doctor wanted me to have the D&C. She told me that it could take weeks (even over a month) for the miscarriage to happen naturally. She told me it can be extremely painful, it could come with complications and most of all it will be emotional torture. Two and a half days was torture, weeks would have been horrifying. Also, afterwards I read several forum posts from women whom had gone through the natural course and everything they described was indeed labor, one woman up to two months later. My husband had to practically carry me after I found out the news, there is no way I would have survived any of that, he agreed. ( I also want to point out here that we could barely afford the week I took off for the surgery and it has been a struggle, I work part time so I didn't get paid for not being there, not to mention waiting around for it to happen. What if I was at work when it started? What if I had to call out of work? What if any complications happened at home. A lot of what ifs and I could have been out a lot longer then a week. )
Then she gave us the option to have it done in the office or to go into the operating room. She explained that in the office I would be awake the entire time during the procedure and that in the OR I would be out and not remember anything. I opted not to remember anything, I wouldn't emotionally make it if I were awake, this whole thing was horrifying enough that I couldn't imagine being awake for the D&C. My husband agreed.
I don't regret anything that I did or any decision we made, it was the best decision for us. I honestly think that this isn't something you can really ask someone else, I think that it is one of those things that only you can decide upon. Get as much information as you can and talk to your doctor. Make the decision that is best for you. It's all painful, its all messy, it will all be a new level of hell but in the end it is your choice.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
That was suppose to last how long?
So today has been a filled with one very long panic attack, a bad headache and a lot of undue stress. Most of the stress is brought on by myself. I keep having this odd panic attacks that I can't explain. I will be sitting at work and suddenly feel overwhelmed doing the same job I've been doing for over a year. Sometimes it is an intense feeling of panic or dread, sometimes its over excitement followed by twitching due to muscles tightening, sometimes I want so badly to curl up in a ball and cry until I can't make noise and sometimes its the normal chest pain, hard to breath almost like I am having a heart attack but know that I'm not. (Not my first panic attack)
I went to refill my anxiety medication today and they informed me that I took a 30 day supply in 10 days. If I want more then I really need to call my doctor to up my daily dosage or prescribe me something stronger. That was the last straw to tell me that I have to call and see an actual doctor about my metal state. Between the panic attacks, lack of sleeping or sleeping only when medicated and barely a desire to eat (I feel the need at times but I don't want to and even when I do eat I don't eat what I am suppose to as often as I should) the only thing that keeps me calm is my husband and he can't be with me all the time.
We started talking about going to the Philadelphia Comic Con and as excited as I am to see many actors that could end in restraining orders I was instantly panicked at the thought of all those people and when my husband pressed about how much I should go just to do something fun I immediately felt pressured and lashed out at him when all he was trying to do was help. I told him that if I did go it might be best for him to go with me because I didn't want a friend to have to deal with trying to calm me down if I do get out of sorts.
It being the day before Easter I won't be calling today, I will call the insurance hotline on Monday, inform them of the situation and see if they have some kind of list. My doctors office gave me the name of a doctor they recommend but I don't think she accepts my insurance. Typical huh? So hopefully they can help me. Trying to find my own doctor throws me into states of panic when trying to research reviews and specializations.
As for the now, I am prepping for some friends and family to come over for a dinner that my wonderful husband is cooking. I bought myself some flowers today, did some food shopping and may go for a walk.... right after I eat something.
I went to refill my anxiety medication today and they informed me that I took a 30 day supply in 10 days. If I want more then I really need to call my doctor to up my daily dosage or prescribe me something stronger. That was the last straw to tell me that I have to call and see an actual doctor about my metal state. Between the panic attacks, lack of sleeping or sleeping only when medicated and barely a desire to eat (I feel the need at times but I don't want to and even when I do eat I don't eat what I am suppose to as often as I should) the only thing that keeps me calm is my husband and he can't be with me all the time.
We started talking about going to the Philadelphia Comic Con and as excited as I am to see many actors that could end in restraining orders I was instantly panicked at the thought of all those people and when my husband pressed about how much I should go just to do something fun I immediately felt pressured and lashed out at him when all he was trying to do was help. I told him that if I did go it might be best for him to go with me because I didn't want a friend to have to deal with trying to calm me down if I do get out of sorts.
It being the day before Easter I won't be calling today, I will call the insurance hotline on Monday, inform them of the situation and see if they have some kind of list. My doctors office gave me the name of a doctor they recommend but I don't think she accepts my insurance. Typical huh? So hopefully they can help me. Trying to find my own doctor throws me into states of panic when trying to research reviews and specializations.
As for the now, I am prepping for some friends and family to come over for a dinner that my wonderful husband is cooking. I bought myself some flowers today, did some food shopping and may go for a walk.... right after I eat something.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Do you really want to?
So I would like to say there is a lot behind me, an in essence there is a great deal that is behind me in that as long as nothing else goes wrong with further testing. I am finally recovering nicely tho it appears to be more physical then emotional. Right now I appear to be dealing with a combination of anger, sadness and fear. All of them I am sure are perfectly normal emotions to have after dealing with this situation but they are still emotions I don't want to deal with at all, specially the anger.
Anger has always been an issue for me when I was younger, I never learned how to properly deal with my anger and instead of handling it I would let it lash out at people and lose friendships because of it. One day I decided that I just didn't want to be this person anymore so I learned to meditate, I took some control tools from past therapist, I learned to let go of it when I felt it bubbling up. Walking away also helps. During my pregnancy, before I knew I was pregnant, I got so made at a person that I was yelling and screaming over the phone as well as shaking like a leaf and crying horribly afterwords. Once I knew about the pregnancy I understood how my anger got so out of control so quickly very far from where I could reel it back in. My husband was so extremely patient about my outbursts and didn't take anything personally, He was just perfect about all of it. Now I feel that I should have my control back but I don't.
When I'm out and about and I see a pregnant woman, a child running around, walk past baby products I find myself more sad then anything else, that is when I most truly feel a sense of lose because it is right there in front of me. Babies break my heart.
When I am watching television and see a baby commercial, or one of my favorite colors brings their baby on screen or finds out they are pregnant I tear up for sadness and anger. I also feel a lot of anger when I hear about someone having their fifth child, or some person whom the state has taken another child away from due to their habits. Even baby commercials will fill me with a sense of anger. Why them, why not me, and even not me why him. If you have ever seen him with children you would understand. He is amazing with kids in a way that I am so envious of.
The fear comes when I think about trying again. I don't want to go through this and I don't want to put him through this again. They said just because it happened this once doesn't mean it will happen again but they don't know. As I am sure I've stated before my family hasn't had the best history and luck. There are days when I think this would be a good idea and then there are days when I think it might break me completely and the biggest fear of all is that as strong as we are we won't make it through this again. If I break worse then its unfair to ask him to pick up all of my pieces and put me back together.
So there it is, anger, fear, sadness and of course love. I am counting all the blessing I have. I am thankful but some days your blessing are a shelter and some days they are a flimsy umbrella against an oncoming storm. I hope this monsoon passes quickly.
Anger has always been an issue for me when I was younger, I never learned how to properly deal with my anger and instead of handling it I would let it lash out at people and lose friendships because of it. One day I decided that I just didn't want to be this person anymore so I learned to meditate, I took some control tools from past therapist, I learned to let go of it when I felt it bubbling up. Walking away also helps. During my pregnancy, before I knew I was pregnant, I got so made at a person that I was yelling and screaming over the phone as well as shaking like a leaf and crying horribly afterwords. Once I knew about the pregnancy I understood how my anger got so out of control so quickly very far from where I could reel it back in. My husband was so extremely patient about my outbursts and didn't take anything personally, He was just perfect about all of it. Now I feel that I should have my control back but I don't.
When I'm out and about and I see a pregnant woman, a child running around, walk past baby products I find myself more sad then anything else, that is when I most truly feel a sense of lose because it is right there in front of me. Babies break my heart.
When I am watching television and see a baby commercial, or one of my favorite colors brings their baby on screen or finds out they are pregnant I tear up for sadness and anger. I also feel a lot of anger when I hear about someone having their fifth child, or some person whom the state has taken another child away from due to their habits. Even baby commercials will fill me with a sense of anger. Why them, why not me, and even not me why him. If you have ever seen him with children you would understand. He is amazing with kids in a way that I am so envious of.
The fear comes when I think about trying again. I don't want to go through this and I don't want to put him through this again. They said just because it happened this once doesn't mean it will happen again but they don't know. As I am sure I've stated before my family hasn't had the best history and luck. There are days when I think this would be a good idea and then there are days when I think it might break me completely and the biggest fear of all is that as strong as we are we won't make it through this again. If I break worse then its unfair to ask him to pick up all of my pieces and put me back together.
So there it is, anger, fear, sadness and of course love. I am counting all the blessing I have. I am thankful but some days your blessing are a shelter and some days they are a flimsy umbrella against an oncoming storm. I hope this monsoon passes quickly.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
So many questions
Friday morning came, we went to the hospital and had my blood taken as early as we could, I took a look at the order and she must have written STAT on there at lest 5 times. (Which is just a fancy Latin way, from the word Statim, of staying immediately) He took me for coffee and pastries and we went home to wait. We tried to take a nap, waking up that early and rushing around takes a toll on your day off from work. My nap didn't last long, I was woken up by a phone call of bad news and money that I didn't have. Nothing to terrible just another bill and bit of stress to add onto the already stressed day I was having. Not going back to sleep I sat in the living room playing Pinball games on our Xbox 360 until my husband woke up and then merely watched TV with him. I took several anxiety pills through out the day just to keep myself calm enough to make it till after 4 pm.
Finally after 4 arrived and after waiting on hold seemingly forever they came on the phone and told me that my levels had dropped by 200 points since Monday and that was good news. I want to say a weight was lifted off me at this wonderful news but it wasn't. It was indeed good news that I won't need more surgery but I knew this still wasn't over. This news wasn't going to make everything magically okay, it was just taking one stressful thing from an already screwed situation. I expressed some concern at some feelings I was have with the surgical area, the Doctor called me back and reminded me that there could still be swelling and such from the surgery but it was nothing to worry about and if it continued I should come in for an exam. She was right so I calmed down and after a few days that feeling went away. As well I still am going back in mid April for a checkup and conversation.
I haven't talked to a doctor since. I still have a bruise in my arm from the last time they drew blood. I am moving a lot better then I was but I am not perfect yet. I actually tried to hard to clean my living room one day and put myself in a lot of pain that took two days to recover. I remembered baby steps because I didn't just put myself in pain I brought on all of the memories of why I was in pain. Of course this happened the first weekend my husband was away so I was pretty much on my own. I broke myself for a night, mentally and physically. I recalled every single moment in my head as I did here but I did it far more quickly. So after I cleaned as much as I could I sat in my bathroom and cried, I'm really not sure how long I was in there, I left the lights off and pressed my head against the tile and cried. After awhile I convinced myself to get up, eat something, take my medication and come on here and write something and after a few moments that is exactly what I convinced myself to do. I had applesauce for dinner, I took two generic prescription pain pills and I laid in bed with my laptop typing.
I still can't sleep without medication and the panic attacks are not under control like I wish they were. Even a feeling of being pushed or overwhelmed ever so slightly sets me off. As always there he is to pick up my pieces and calm me down by telling me its all going to be okay. My Sunshine.
The one thing I find more odd then anything, everything I complained about, the sore breasts, back hurting, foods I couldn't eat, the nausea all of it I miss. I must have complained every single day about how horrible I felt and how much I couldn't wait for my 9 months to be up so I could have my senses back. I regret all the complaining now. Again, I logically know my complaining didn't do this, my lack of activity because I was to tired. I know this isn't my fault but how can I honestly feel that I didn't do something wrong.
Now I am still looking for a therapist and trying to decide if in a few months I want to try again. The likely hood of this happening again.... who knows? Honestly, no one knows really. Several members of my family have lost pregnancies and I am starting to think we should go through some testing to see that my genetics are all okay before we think of trying again. I know that there are no guarantees but if there is an answer I think I would like one.
Finally after 4 arrived and after waiting on hold seemingly forever they came on the phone and told me that my levels had dropped by 200 points since Monday and that was good news. I want to say a weight was lifted off me at this wonderful news but it wasn't. It was indeed good news that I won't need more surgery but I knew this still wasn't over. This news wasn't going to make everything magically okay, it was just taking one stressful thing from an already screwed situation. I expressed some concern at some feelings I was have with the surgical area, the Doctor called me back and reminded me that there could still be swelling and such from the surgery but it was nothing to worry about and if it continued I should come in for an exam. She was right so I calmed down and after a few days that feeling went away. As well I still am going back in mid April for a checkup and conversation.
I haven't talked to a doctor since. I still have a bruise in my arm from the last time they drew blood. I am moving a lot better then I was but I am not perfect yet. I actually tried to hard to clean my living room one day and put myself in a lot of pain that took two days to recover. I remembered baby steps because I didn't just put myself in pain I brought on all of the memories of why I was in pain. Of course this happened the first weekend my husband was away so I was pretty much on my own. I broke myself for a night, mentally and physically. I recalled every single moment in my head as I did here but I did it far more quickly. So after I cleaned as much as I could I sat in my bathroom and cried, I'm really not sure how long I was in there, I left the lights off and pressed my head against the tile and cried. After awhile I convinced myself to get up, eat something, take my medication and come on here and write something and after a few moments that is exactly what I convinced myself to do. I had applesauce for dinner, I took two generic prescription pain pills and I laid in bed with my laptop typing.
I still can't sleep without medication and the panic attacks are not under control like I wish they were. Even a feeling of being pushed or overwhelmed ever so slightly sets me off. As always there he is to pick up my pieces and calm me down by telling me its all going to be okay. My Sunshine.
The one thing I find more odd then anything, everything I complained about, the sore breasts, back hurting, foods I couldn't eat, the nausea all of it I miss. I must have complained every single day about how horrible I felt and how much I couldn't wait for my 9 months to be up so I could have my senses back. I regret all the complaining now. Again, I logically know my complaining didn't do this, my lack of activity because I was to tired. I know this isn't my fault but how can I honestly feel that I didn't do something wrong.
Now I am still looking for a therapist and trying to decide if in a few months I want to try again. The likely hood of this happening again.... who knows? Honestly, no one knows really. Several members of my family have lost pregnancies and I am starting to think we should go through some testing to see that my genetics are all okay before we think of trying again. I know that there are no guarantees but if there is an answer I think I would like one.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Don't fear the question...
I just want to put it out there in the 'verse that if you have a question you are more then welcome to leave a comment and ask. I will attempt to answer it to the best of my ability no matter if its about the surgery/recovery or the medications they put me on, concerns I've had or emotional crap I wasn't just posting this blog to help me get through this I also wanted to leave this out there so people might have some sort of raw explanation of what happens. I am aware that I didn't explain every little detail of it but I tried to put out what I could.
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