So today has been a filled with one very long panic attack, a bad headache and a lot of undue stress. Most of the stress is brought on by myself. I keep having this odd panic attacks that I can't explain. I will be sitting at work and suddenly feel overwhelmed doing the same job I've been doing for over a year. Sometimes it is an intense feeling of panic or dread, sometimes its over excitement followed by twitching due to muscles tightening, sometimes I want so badly to curl up in a ball and cry until I can't make noise and sometimes its the normal chest pain, hard to breath almost like I am having a heart attack but know that I'm not. (Not my first panic attack)
I went to refill my anxiety medication today and they informed me that I took a 30 day supply in 10 days. If I want more then I really need to call my doctor to up my daily dosage or prescribe me something stronger. That was the last straw to tell me that I have to call and see an actual doctor about my metal state. Between the panic attacks, lack of sleeping or sleeping only when medicated and barely a desire to eat (I feel the need at times but I don't want to and even when I do eat I don't eat what I am suppose to as often as I should) the only thing that keeps me calm is my husband and he can't be with me all the time.
We started talking about going to the Philadelphia Comic Con and as excited as I am to see many actors that could end in restraining orders I was instantly panicked at the thought of all those people and when my husband pressed about how much I should go just to do something fun I immediately felt pressured and lashed out at him when all he was trying to do was help. I told him that if I did go it might be best for him to go with me because I didn't want a friend to have to deal with trying to calm me down if I do get out of sorts.
It being the day before Easter I won't be calling today, I will call the insurance hotline on Monday, inform them of the situation and see if they have some kind of list. My doctors office gave me the name of a doctor they recommend but I don't think she accepts my insurance. Typical huh? So hopefully they can help me. Trying to find my own doctor throws me into states of panic when trying to research reviews and specializations.
As for the now, I am prepping for some friends and family to come over for a dinner that my wonderful husband is cooking. I bought myself some flowers today, did some food shopping and may go for a walk.... right after I eat something.
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